The Halycon Chronicles

DISCLAIMER- I do not own the Transformers, G.I Joe, or Jem and the Holograms. They are the property of Hasbro. He-Man is the property of Mattel. Smurfs are not mine either. This disclaimer will grow as we go along satirizing various well-known fictional material.
Prologue
This is the story of a rag-tag band of villains as they quest to retrieve parts of a valuable object. The object belongs to a powerful being who promised these villains great rewards for their service. They will (attempt to) destory everyone and everything in their path.
Along the way they will encounter people and actions that just beg to be satirized, and many who will counter with their own Satire.

What is Satire, you may ask? Let us turn to the father of Satire himself, Juvenal.

For your bleak hills my Cumae I will resign,
And (if you welcome interest such as mine)
Come in stout shoes to hear your angry rhymes
Directed at men's follies and his crimes.- Umbriscus in Juvenal's Satire III

So we are poking fun at things that deserve to be poked fun of. Now back to our story...
The being chose members for particular skills and knowledge.
He summoned before him Megatron and Starscream of the Decepticons.
Megatron grimaced. "You dare summon me?"
The being smiled. "It pleases me to be the second."
"What?" Megatron asked. The being was silent because he remembered this was Pre-Movie Generation One Megatron.
"Nevermind. I summoned you and Starscream here because Transformers are cool! No wait, you have great strength and leadership."The being replied.
Starscream sneered. "Then you shouldn't have summoned Megatron." Megatron rolled his eyes. "Forgive his childish outbursts. Where is the rest of my army?"
Just then Shadow Assasin and Serpentor arrived. The being smiled again. "Let me introduce Snake-Eyes..." Just then Shadow Assasin kicked the being. His eyes lit up and he exploded a nearby moon. Everyone gasped.

"Come on! It was only occupied by 13 million people!" He shrugged. "Call me the Critic. That's what I am. So Shadow Assasin and Serpentor are COBRA agents. They are cool fighters & strategians."
Megatron sighed. "Ha! Fleshings! What use are them?"
"What use is giant robots?" Serpentor remarked. The too were about to fight when a girl with blue hair arrived. She said. "Where is Rio? I am going to be so late for the concert--" She looked around and screamed.

"This is Stormer. From a rock band. Watch VH1 for more details." Critic explained. Just then a vat of smoke arrived. Eerie music ecompanied it. Just then a profile of a man was revealed. His face was a skeletons. Serpentor winced and the robots looked bemused. The man lifted his staff and shouted. "I am Skeletor! Bow down before me!"

Everyone begins to laugh. Starscream said. "This is golden comedy!" Critic shoots an energy bolt and says. "Skeletor is a skilled magician. Which brings us to our last member."

A small bald man with a big nose arrives. Skeletor looks him over. "What can you do?"
"Magic. My goal is to turn the Smurfs into gold!" He begins to laugh. Critic said. "Ok. Everyone gets what they want after I get the Orb."

He turns on the humongous screen in back of him. "This is your first mission: To inflitrate an Academy full of ninjas."
A picture of a young boy in bright orange yelling appears.
CLUNK!
Serpentor sighes. "That was Shadow Assasin."