Kingdom Hearts: Origins

I hate arguing, and I'm barely ever wrong. So more than anything I hate when people are arguing about something I know but they refuse to accept, so let's have a simple ENGLISH lesson here on writing clearly.

Above in quotes is the original post, unedited

This part of the post is easily read. The strange man Axel had attacked blew up.

Everytime a new speaker speaks one should enter a new line so the above 2 statement should have been this.

It's easily now laid out to read.

This is too tightly grouped together first off and it's not even the whole paragraph thing you written, the above should be this...

And the above is where it becomes very, very unclear. He patted him on the back. Well in the rules of English Grammar, The man patted the man on the back is what your saying with the subject. Unless you refer back to Devlin, that's what it means is the man patted the man on the back. It should have been, He patted Devlin on the back, giving him power. The him in the end of the sentence before power refers to Devlin now because he's the last named subject.

So...

Now then back to the original. We still do not quite know who this he is when he looked up at Jordan. With my corrections, it would be Devlin looked up at Jordan and made no movement. But it could have been the man. We don't know. The for the first time he seemed calm once again with my corrections refers to Devlin, but it could have been the man. We don't know.

And the main part of the confusion right here in front of us. "We'll see you soon," The man came alone so it wouldn't be we unless more people were leaving with him. The only other person there would be Devlin. So right there in dialogue makes it obvious that it is both of them leaving. Now also to finalize this part, "he said" who said, we still don't know who that he is. It could have been the man or it could have been Devlin. With the corrections I made it would be Devlin. Also not to mention you should restate the speaker's actual title again because every new piece of dialogue should be moved onto a new line.

And finally once again who is "he"? My corrections mean Devlin, however from content clues "another" could be the man, but at the same time Devlin also threw stuff at him. And therefore Devlin could have disappeared.


All in all here's a rough idea of what your post should look like and as well as how I read it.

And therefore when I read your post the above is what I mentally read therefore Devlin had left.

 

Hey I think the sequel ooc should be made.