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Random poem

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics' started by shadoweddestroyer, Jun 23, 2009.

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  1. shadoweddestroyer

    shadoweddestroyer Member

    I wrote this in about 10 minutes, on MSN to someone cause they asked for a poem. The I decided I was quite proud of it.
    Currently I have no title for this poem. Maybe you guys could come up with some ideas heh heh ^^ Hope you like, thankyou!


    Sadness envelopes my shadowed heart,
    It pierces the core as a dart,
    Would but for the look of one,
    Already I would be done.

    Falling into choking death,
    I feel utterly bereft,
    As all that for once I would,
    Slowly begins to flee from sight.

    And my sight impaired further I fall,
    Suddenly I stop and stall,
    And out comes a hand to hold,
    I decide to do something bold.

    I take the hand, I find it's yours,
    And begging I implore,
    You to pull me from my despair,
    And now my heart I can share.

    My time was up twas' my fear,
    And now I find you hold me dear,
    And as we walk away (your hand in mine),
    A speck of hope begins to shine.
     
    shadoweddestroyer, Jun 23, 2009
    #1
  2. Shade Pure-heart X

    Shade Pure-heart X New Member

    "Clap, Clap" Nice!
     
    Shade Pure-heart X, Jul 6, 2009
    #2
  3. ü

    ü 30•05•2010

    i think its beautiful. At first i didn't like it because i thought it was going to be a dark poem(one of my 'friends' sends me alot of dark poems >.<) but the last two sections were really good. Taking in you wrote it quickly on msn i think its very good n___n
     
    ü, Jul 7, 2009
    #3
  4. WayToTheDawn

    WayToTheDawn New Member

    It's good, nice usage of words, at first I thought it was gonna suck bad based off some of the poetry I've read around but the end was really good and I did like it

    =]
     
    WayToTheDawn, Jul 14, 2009
    #4
  5. Akira

    Akira True Lord of Arenas

    i realy like it , as for name sujestions hope bringer or saving hand
     
    Akira, Jul 19, 2009
    #5
  6. Overdose

    Overdose Ninja.V

    its beautiful, and considering it was done over msn makes it even more amazing. I love the feel to it.
     
    Overdose, Aug 23, 2009
    #6
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