Is Honesty the Best Policy?

What about Kitty's example of an undercover cop? Would you try to bend the truth or would it simply be best to deny it?

This is a tricky subject because it's pretty much impossible to say "always tell the truth, no matter what" and impossible to say "lie about everything, no matter what". I think that if the truth would benefit someone, tell it. If it'll only hurt feelings, like telling a kid that they're a terrible artist, then don't tell it.

But then it's not always that simple, so I think I'd have to agree with Angel to a point; don't go deluding people with things that are far from the truth. Basically, you can bend the truth, like telling your children that the tooth fairy exists, but don't distort it so that it just deludes them.

I don't know if any of that made any sense.

 

What if the child is a brilliant artist for their age? Personally, I wouldn't want to crush their confidence by saying that the drawing looks like scribbling. Because really, telling a child they're bad at something can have serious effects on their motivation. I don't like sugarcoating, but if telling the absolute truth is going to do a lot more bad than good overall, then it's understandable not to tell it.

The thing is, since so many people sugarcoat everything, a lot of people are used to being told that they're perfect and it shocks them when someone says it how it is, so it's hard to decide whether to sugarcoat things or not unless you actually want to hurt someone.

The tooth fairy isn't a complete fabrication, technically; the child still has something to look forward when they lose a tooth, so it's really only bending the truth.

If you believe a lie is the truth, then I'd just call that ignorance, like a child believing in Santa and talking to his friends about Christmas presents. He's not purposely saying something to trick his friends into believing in Santa, so I wouldn't say he's lying.

The thing is, there are certain situations in which I'm sure we'd all lie and certain situations where we'd all tell the truth, so in my opinion, honesty is usually the best policy, but not always.

 

Let's say this child is three years old, yet they can already draw pretty coherently. By adult standards, their drawings look like scribblings, but for their age, they're making good progress. Would you tell them that their drawing is terrible, knowing that they are better than average for their age?

Don't generalise and say that all children will constantly do things no matter what you say. A lot of children, at least the ones I know, are quite sensitive and would remember that you said they're terrible for a long time.

I say you can use your common sense to figure out if telling the truth would do more bad than good. Let's say your friend is planning on asking their crush out to a prom. If that crush asked you who your friend is going to ask out, would you say "He is going to ask you out" and pretty much spoil however your friend was going to ask her out? I'd be able to figure out that my friend would be quite angry with me if I told his crush that they like them.

You could also look at it from a different angle and say that if that child is good for their age, are you really doing anyone any good by discouraging them?

I suppose you're right about the tooth fairy. Consider that a bad example. However, the point still stands; bending the truth is OK, so long as you don't delude anyone.

Con-men who believe their own lies? They would no longer be con-men; they would simply be delusional.

 

Since I don't want to debate about how to care for children, I'm going to say that I agree in that so long as you do not hurt the child, you can express your opinions on the drawing. However, how would you know whether you would hurt the child or not? As you said, it is more complicated than simply "they are a child, therefore they will not hold a grudge".

I said nothing about obedience or bitterness. What I said was that a lot of children are sensitive and some might take your words to heart and let it affect their motivation.

You can be angry and still forgiving at the same time. Let us continue the "what if game"; if my friend starts an argument with me and later apologises, I can be angry with that friend and still accept their apology. If my friend was resolute on asking his crush out, and I pretty much ruined his 'moment', he has grounds to be angry at me, even if he does forgive me. And saying nothing is still not telling the truth, really.

To be a con artist is to lie for a living. To believe your own lies is delusion. Although truthfully, I don't see any way you could be a con artist and believe your own lies; let us play the "what if game" again. Let's say you're a con artist who tells people that you need thousands of pounds to start a business, and that you'll pay them back fully one day. You couldn't believe your own lies; eventually you, the con man, would realise that you're not actually setting up any businesses, and that you're lying.

 

Skimming through the thread (Admittedly didn't read much after the 3rd post and just wanted to comment because of Kitty's cop example) I would like to point out that it depends on the situation. Obviously the truth isn't a good idea with the cop example.